i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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