How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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