Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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