A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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