Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Let's paint friendship bongs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
