We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
