who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
