I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I look better un-naked...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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