im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
