I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
