i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
