party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
