dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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