I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I smell stomach acid.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drake has all the answers
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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