Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't put those talents on a resume
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
