Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
