wanna go halves on a baby?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
