im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need to calm my uterus...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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