i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
