youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
