there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
