He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
