you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
