Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So many bounce houses so little time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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