I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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