how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
