i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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