You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
