I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
