how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
