Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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