We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
