Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
