Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i will never coherently bang her
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
