so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
