I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
