Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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