btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
