I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
