i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
