apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are two peas in an std pod
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
