Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
