I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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