whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
