grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
