oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
two words: eviction party
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
