We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bet he comes in French.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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