I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you are never too drunk for berry picking
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
