i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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