I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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