I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
