now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
