Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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