3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
