just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
