so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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