i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
