So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
