belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
